“Dear Dad” is a Lovibond May Rowanwood song from the Rowanwood music catalogue, centered on themes of origin wound, confrontation, and inherited pain, carried by a direct, rhythmic folk arrangement with an open, airy vocal tone.
Dear Dad
Or should I call you father?
I say it aloud
It doesn’t sound right Either
What are you to me?
Where were you when I needed
Well, I suppose that’s water under the bridge
A moment past, there’s no turning back
I ask nothing of you, simple as that
But what we do have is now
I remember when you left us
You took me alone aside
As if channeling an ageless wisdom
You burdened me with this advice
“Never get married”, “Never have children”
What exactly were you saying to me?
Do you never once stop to think,
It named me as cause of your misery?
What was I to do with that?
Lord, father, I was barely six.
How could I have been anything but the problem,
That only your leaving could fix?
Dear Dad,
Or should I call you father?
I say it aloud
It doesn’t sound right Either
What are you to me?
Where were you when I needed. . .
Well, I suppose that’s water under the bridge
A moment past, there’s no turning back
I ask nothing of you, simple as that,
But what we do have is now
For a long time I was angry,
I acted, reacted, did myself harm,
Punishing myself daily,
With the world I was at war.
Or perhaps, I was emulating you,
Wanting a life without boundaries,
Hurting people left and right,
To prove myself spiritually free.
Misunderstanding friendship and love,
I used others to please myself,
Believing I had found Paradise,
Knowing I was in Hell.
Your footsteps my path,
Your shadow my shade,
I didn’t see, God help me,
The destruction I laid.
Mother did more than any woman could,
Struggling day and night to just get by.
I’m not here to reopen scarred wounds,
Nor will I make my silence all is well imply.
I won’t carry your silence anymore.
What is the truth of you?
And to my older sister
What, father, did you do?
What did you do?
There is no “why” that will explain.
So. I ask you again,
What did you do?
What did you do?